literature

Return of the Friend Request

Deviation Actions

Published: Feb 9, 2010

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Literature Text

Chapter One: Smoke and Shiny things

             Arwen: my  people are leaving these shores, Aragorn's away...Peace, quiet, mulled  wine, and the TV remote all to myself! Perfect.

Aragorn! being the one-who-will-be-King isn't  nearly as impressive when there's an actual king around.

Gimli Sonofgloin: is afraid of the wood.

Aragorn!:...

Gimli Sonofgloin: well, that was impressive.

Aragorn!: I've never seen an elf laugh so hard he fell off his  horse before.

Gimli Sonofgloin: the fact he hit his head on a tree makes me  feel so much better about the world.

Aragorn!: shall we wait for him to wake up, or just keep going?

Gimli Sonofgloin: better not risk it. He'll catch us up and say  something very obvious.

Aragorn!: "You left me!" "I fell off a horse!" "Sauron isn't very  nice!" "This forest is old!" LOL

Legolas Greenleaf: You're teasing me!

Gimli Sonofgloin: exactly.

Gimli Sonofgloin: the Hobbits!

Legolas Greenleaf:They're alive!

Gimli Sonofgloin: they're taller.

Aragorn!: They're not half as dead as I remember someone * sensed  * they were.

Awesome Merry: knows we should get on with this cool quest thing, but you know, I kind of don't feel motivated...

Aragorn!: right, you slack weed-smoking hippies, get your hairy  feet moving or we'll leave you behind!

Gimli Sonofgloin: We didn't come all this way to rescue you to find you idling and eating...and SMOKING! Where did you get that?

Pippin Genius Took: you want some?

Aragorn! : yes.

Legolas Greenleaf: will never understand the strange things  mortals do... like breathing smoke...

Aragorn!: I'm just glad you've stopped screaming and throwing  cups of water into my face.

Legolas Greenleaf: That was one time. And I thought you  were on fire.

Aragorn! : Maybe. But why didn't you just throw the liquid,  instead of the whole cup?

Legolas Greenleaf: I had to act quickly or you would have had no  face! ...flammable beards... breathing smoke and flames... it's a stupid  combination

Gimli Sonofgloin: Legolas, for the last time, there are no flames.

Pippin Genius Took: why don't you try some? It will help you  relax.

Saruman: my tower! My life's work! My army! I knew this was a bad  deal.

Smeagol: Orcs don't taste very nice, do they, precious?

Gollum: No, preciousss. They don't.

Sam Gamgee: hey, anyone in the area want to drop in and give us  some more water or lembas? only... we're running a bit low here.

Sam Gamgee: couldn't Mr Gandalf ask one of them eagles to drop us  off something to eat?

Mister Frodo: No, Sam. They probably have some important things  to see to. And they'd eat Smeagol by mistake.

Sam Gamgee: but the fate-of-the-whole-of-Middle-Earth thing,  doesn't that mean anything?

Frodo: No, the eagles are strictly for deux-ex-machinas. And  there's some mystical geographic/narrative boundary to all our facebook  updates. For some strange reason, we can only access the facebooks of  people we're with at the time. It creates comic and dramatic tension.

Sam Gamgee: sigh.

Gollum: cute little hobbitses, fatty sharing his  food with skinny! Not for long. Soon, we makes them hates one another.

Sam Gamgee: Frodo, they're up to something!

Mister Frodo: Oh Sam. You're so paranoid.

Sam Gamgee: I've only been paranoid since everyone  started being out to get us.

Mister Frodo: cause and effect, Sam. Cause and effect.

Pippin Genius Took: ooh, shiny.

Gandalf: give it here!

Pippin Genius Took: but but pretty shiny glowy round thing!

Awesome Merry: By the Valar, Pippin's taken the ring!

Aragorn!: okay, nobody... nobody panic... Someone, do something!

Gimli Sonofgloin: Not Pippin... he looked so innocent! Do you  think he's murdered Frodo?

Gandalf: Pippin, kill Frodo? Ha! Maybe by accident.

Legolas Greenleaf: Pippin killed Frodo by accident? I thought he  was in Mordor!

Aragorn!: Pippin's in Mordor? How did he get there? Did he use  the ring?

Gimli Sonofgloin: Durin's beard, now Sauron will find him for  sure.

Awesome Merry: we're doomed.

Gandalf: you see what I have to work with?

Awesome Merry: who are you talking to?

Gandalf: Myself. The most intelligent person around.

Legolas Greenleaf: You're talking to yourself on Facebook?

Aragorn!: really, Gandalf. That is kind of sad.